God is my Shelter

"Truly my heart waits silently for God;
my deliverance comes from Him.
In truth He is my rock of deliverance,
my tower of strength, so that i stand unshaken...
Trust always in God, my people,
pour out your hearts before Him;
God is our shelter."
Psalm 62:1-2;8

shelter. a roof over my head. a hedge. a windbreak. a warm coat. shelter from the fear of loss of this precious thing called love. from the fear of loneliness without the one person i believe i could ever love. shelter from attack--the sudden onslaught of doubt that God will take care of everything if i will simply trust Him--what if He doesn't?

waiting silently is the hardest thing of all.
i am in a holding pattern--how long is this circling going to go on?

"steadfastness, that is holding on;
patience, that is holding back;
expectancy, that is holding the face up;
obedience, that is holding oneself in readiness to go or do;
listening, that is holding quiet & still so as to hear."--S.D. Gordon

how long, Lord, must i wait?
Never mind, child. Trust Me.

sightlessly

one day i will put this to music...hopefully.

smile with bliss,
the storm has passed.
left feeling all my questions asked,
this cold strength building within me,
resolved to follow sightlessly.

and to think that i would not have come by this way,
if i knew the price i’d pay.

but no matter…
You have brought me through the night!
and no matter, because before my eyes I see my long awaited sunrise.

so watch me dance and watch me sing,
as i bow on calloused knees.
for i have found that there is no greater satisfying thing,
than walking in obedience.
if oh to follow sightlessly.

this path before my eyes is becoming precious to my sight.
so beautiful to turn from my way.
so i guess i’m jumping now
and trusting somehow You’ll teach me how to fly.

and to think that i would not have come by this way,
if i knew the price i’d pay.

but no matter…
You have brought me through the night!
oh and no matter, because before my eyes I see my long awaited sunrise.

so watch me dance and watch me sing,
as i bow on calloused knees.
for i have found that there is no greater satisfying thing,
than walking in obedience.
if oh to follow sightlessly.

cursing the space between my fingers

i feel change coming. quickly. losing things i hold tightly, dearly. i feel pushed into a corner, just looking for a way around all of it. but i see that it is inevitable. i have to grow up. sometimes it just seems like nothing i love will ever linger. everything that's good just slips away.

this is why i curse the space between my fingers.

but i suppose this is why i have kept journals--for the simple desire to gather up fragments that remain, that nothing be completely lost. And i know His plan is far beyond my imagination. That the more i perceive God's purpose in my life, the less terrible the losses, the deaths, the letting-goes will seem.

"Uneasiness about the future is unwholesome for you. You must leave to God all that depends on God, being faithful in all that depends upon yourself." -Francois Fenelon